Contraindications
It is the first day of my module “Asana, Pranayama and Restorative Yoga” and it is overwhelming.
The list of things we have to take into consideration before doing an asana with a client can be quite long. We have to take into consideration the physical, psychological and emotional health, the family health and the environment. Besides all this there are contraindications. Blood pressure, heart conditions, hernia, burnout, asthma, the list goes on and on.
In the evening many thoughts run through my mind and I am starting to worry, what if I don’t remember all the contraindications? What if I compromise the health of a client? What if something happens to someone under my care?
Together with my husband I watch a hospital show on Netflix. Normally I find this very entertaining so I hope it will take my mind off things but all I hear are contraindications, diagnoses and I see people suffering. I decide not to share my worries with my husband because I am afraid I won’t sleep well if I do, instead I tell him I am tired and we go to bed.
The next day is focussed on Pranayama and still I am worried, I ask our teacher Caroline if breath retention isn’t dangerous. Even Though we are not going to practice these methods with our clients. The answer is one I already know in my heart, It depends. I am looking for reassurance where there cannot be one, but at that moment I don’t realize that this is what I am doing. While we work on different breathing techniques, I try to focus on listening and learning, but I don’t feel at ease.
Later that day we practiced what we learned under the guidance of Caroline. After about half an hour I can feel the ease coming back to my body and mind. The soothing power of the breath, taking my attention to my breath instead of all these thoughts and feelings. Just being and breathing in and out, letting go.
I start to feel more relaxed again and ready to learn new things. When the day is done, I write in the group app that I would like more Pranayama days. A few fellow students agree. Maybe others were feeling overwhelmed as well? I am too insecure to ask, and perhaps I rather not know if I am the only one struggling with this. That would mean going back into self doubt about my abilities while I really want to do this. I find the things we learn fascinating and yes also scary sometimes. I am going to take on a different responsibility as a yoga therapist than as a yoga teacher. Even though in my classes I try to give options in each pose, it’s more general. In therapy I will adapt the practice to the individual, but after today I do feel more ready again for the responsibility.
So that means I have to check my notes again and again, until I remember it well. I will have to study the list of contraindications many times. I will have to practise with friends and family. I feel better, this is the reason I started this journey and what a good thing that Montserrat is being so thorough about it. I laugh at my total mind switch.
Luckily this positive mindset stays with me for the rest of the week, which is a good thing. The next few days are filled with contraindications and I handle them well 🙂 Besides that we learn all the different variations on an Asana. We learn about joint rotations and tapping.
Restorative yoga is and has been one of my favorite practises for years and I love watching the recordings of Montserrat with all the pillows and blankets. It all looks very comfortable and supported. The next day I practiced with my husband and he fell asleep after telling me that the rolled blanket that supports his head is the best. When I wake him up after 15 minutes he compliments me on the nice and careful way I put the pillows and blankets around him. I told him about the overwhelming feelings I had at the beginning of the week. How I was looking for reassurance outside myself, some clue or sign I am on the right path. And that all I needed was guided pranayama to take me out of this state. I needed to let go.
He understands and says that that is a good thing, since this is a big part of what I teach and will be teaching, and it will help me relate to my clients. I like the way he sees it and I think not sharing my troubled mind before had nothing to do with not sleeping well or the reactions from our group. It was me not allowing myself to share my feelings and thinking it was best to hide it.
And now I am writing a post about it, allowing it to be out in the open. I wonder if you can relate? It felt good to write about it, now it’s time for practise and finish my homework assignment.
